


Yuanfen

by Ayanfe



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Gen, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Spoilers for Book 3: City of Glass, this is happy i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 17:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10313162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayanfe/pseuds/Ayanfe
Summary: Jace and Alec talk about the memory demon. Jace tells Alec who he would have seen.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, unbeta'd. Once again, this was written because I'm procrastinating everything. I haven't slept in 26 hours.

Jace isn’t sure what inspires him to take action. It happened so long ago - well, actually it happened a couple months ago, but it feels like a lot longer. Maybe the thought has been there for a while, and it’s only because things are finally calming down that the thought pushes its way to the forefront of his mind.

After all, when you’re fighting a war against a psychopathic mass murderer who pretended to be your adopted father’s estranged best friend all so he could raise you as his own - oh, and by the way, you’re in love with your sister, just kidding, she’s not your sister, but haha your adopted sister’s life is going to hell and your best friend is going to almost get married then make out with a male warlock and then almost die a dozen times because of you -

Well. You tend to get a little distracted.

But Jace _actually_ _died_ at Lake Lyn. Sure, he got resurrected by an angel, that was pretty cool. But even temporary death tends to have lasting effects.

Like wanting to make sure he didn’t have any regrets.

Jace talked to Alec after the Battle of Brocelind Plain. There had been plenty of time at the party to talk, and a single shared look was signal enough to slip away from their friends. 

Alec slapped him on the head and called him an idiot, then demanded to know exactly what happened at Lake Lyn, because during the battle Alec had almost _lost his mind_ , seeing his parabatai rune fade and burn and thinking Jace was dead.

"That’s because I was," he told Alec casually.

Alec paused, then tackled him to the ground. "You moron! This is why you don’t leave me behind, because you have zero impulse control and you end dying when I’m not there to stop you from doing stupid things!"

" _Excuse_ me," he said, slipping out of Alec’s hold and getting to his feet. "But this is the first time I’ve died. You make it sound that this is a common occurrence."

"Tell me what happened."

So he did.

And for a while, Jace felt confident that things were taken care of. They stayed in Idris for a while longer but eventually returned to New York. Clary finally got the chance to focus on her training, and for the most part things returned to normal.

Unfortunately, things returning to normal meant that Jace had free time on his hands. Time to think. Time to reflect on the events of Lake Lyn and what it all meant and remember how much Alec and Isabelle mean to him and how much he loves Clary and he wants - needs - to make sure that they know this.

So he waits for Alec to enter the Institute one morning - Alec still lives there, but he is spending more and more nights with Magnus - and ambushes him.

Jace tries to keep things light, tries to stall at first. "You here for Clary’s morning lesson?" He asks, falling in to step beside his parabatai.

Alec nods. He isn’t smiling, but there is an ease about his features, a calm assurance in his strides, that tells Jace everything he needs to know. Their bond only confirms his conclusion: Alec is happy.

"Can we talk first?" Jace asks rather than demands. It is possibly the first time that he feels hesitant with his parabatai. Everything else could go to shit, but Alec has always been a constant in his life. The place - the person that anchors him.

Alec doesn’t stop walking as he looks over at Jace, a furrow between his brows. "Of course."

Jace steers them in the direction of what is now Alec’s office. It isn’t something that needs to be discussed - Jace doesn’t tell Alec to follow him and Alec doesn’t ask where they are going. A shift of his shoulders, a glance, is more than enough for Alec to hand the lead over to Jace.

Jace shuts the door behind Alec. He planned this conversation in his head at least twenty times, but now that it’s happening he doesn’t know where to start.

"What’s up?" Alec shifts his weight. "You’re…" He gestures vaguely at Jace. "You’re being weird."

Jace decides to face this the way he faces most demons - head on, rushing in and telling himself that he’ll improvise a plan in the moment. "Do you remember what happened with that memory demon we summoned? Valak?"

Alec averts his eyes. "You know I do."

"It wanted a memory from each of us," he says, not to remind Alec but simply to build a framework for what he wants to say next. "Of the person we love the most. Your memory was of me."

"Jace, we don’t need to talk about this. It’s in the past and-"

"Don’t interrupt me, Alec." Jace sighs, already exhausted. He and Alec are alike in that aspect at least - talking about emotions is harder than killing a Behemoth demon. "Shit hit the fan before the demon could take a memory from me, but there’s not a doubt in my mind that my memory would have been of you."

Alec blinks and Jace feels his surprise through their bond. Strong emotions and proximity always strengthened it.

"It still would be," he adds, powering through.

"But…" Alec looks confused by Jace’s word, even more confused than he used to be in botany class - and wow, Alec was terrible at botany, if their lives ever depended on him telling the difference between nightshade and blueberries they were all doomed. "What about Clary?"

"I love her," he announces with a shrug. "She has my heart, that’s not even a question. But Alec, you’re part of my _soul_. We are one." He gestures between them. "Made to be two. You’ve known the worst of me and still loved me. Of course it would be you.

"And the parabatai bond is only a part of it," he continues, the words flowing easily now. "Maryse and Robert took me in and gave me a place to stay, but you…Alec, you gave me a home. You and Izzy gave me a family."

Alec opens and closes his mouth a couple times before he finally says anything. "Then how come…Why did you look at me like that? When Valak took that memory? You looked…"

Alec trails off, but Jace hears the ending anyway. Feels it. _You looked disgustedshockedangrydisappointed_. All of his parabatai’s mostly-resolved insecurities come rushing back, and Jace receives the brunt of them.

"I wasn’t," he tells Alec firmly. "None of that. I was surprised. I never expected…I thought it would be someone else. Izzy or Max." The _I never expected to be the person anyone loved the most_ goes unsaid but not unheard.

The hug he receives is sudden, causes him to stumble back a couple steps, but affection from Alec, from his family, is always welcome. Jace returns the embrace with an ease that wasn’t there when he first moved to New York. No, that ease had to be learned, and lucky for him the Lightwoods were willing teachers.

"It would be still be you too," Alec says fiercely.

It’s one less regret that Jace Lightwood will have.

**Author's Note:**

> Give this a kudos or leave a comment if you love these parabatai idiots. Let me know how you felt about this story, I haven't written much about the parabatai bond thing, but I think I'd like to write more.
> 
> Yuanfen is a Chinese word describing a relationship by fate/predetermination. It means the "binding force" that links two people together. It can be used for non-romantic relationships (according to the Internet).


End file.
